“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
We live in strange times. Ever since the pandemic I’ve noticed people to be more fearful, more distant. Single people especially have since become even more sheltered, perhaps recluse. And families, those that do exist, have in my observation become more tight.
A lot of people, I’ve noticed, are busier than ever, or at least that’s what they say. Sometimes I do so too. No. I definitely do that too. Often times unconsciously. I mean, I don’t tend to lie that I’m busy when I’m really not, but I have noticed that I will work myself into a project in my workshop and forget about time passing. Sure, it’s an enjoyable activity, but it does make me busy. Or perhaps I take a nap and watch an episode or three 😉 (yeah, I sometimes binge, but not as much as I used to) of a show on Netflix, video on YouTube, read a book or work creatively on a project in my office. Unbeknownst to myself at the time of doing it, at least most of the time, I’m making myself busy.
The trouble is that all of this is pointless if there is nobody that I can share the results of my endeavours with. I do go to a full-time job daily so it’s not like I’m a sheltered recluse, I’m not; and I go to church on Sundays. But yes, I definitely miss more social activities. I used to lead a youth-group: it feels like a lifetime ago, but I’ve enjoyed working with people and the service aspect of it. What I should have is a wife, and a bunch of kids; a family, to pour the fruits of my labour into. But I don’t. Since the completion of school I honestly don’t know where and how to meet people other than for business reasons. Unless I completely change my environment and move abroad, which I would like to and am actively looking for jobs abroad anyway. I have indeed noticed that, for some strange reason, when I’m abroad I’m much more extraverted and outgoing than I would usually consider myself… But I digress.
I have often pondered the words of C.S. Lewis. He spoke great wisdom in the above quote. Usually, we only ever focus on vulnerability in loving someone (as suggested by the quote), but I think I just stumbled upon a possibly different application. One needn’t “get busy” in order to keep the heart intact, irredeemable, impenetrable and unbreakable. One can simply do that by accident by going through life with motions that one is told, or that one believes one should go through. Is it possible that the heart of modern human being, male or female, has in fact changed to become unlovable, irredeemable, impenetrable, and unbreakable?
Is it possible that I have unintentionally made my own heart a bit stiffer by distracting myself with work and hobbies? I do know that I avoid eating lunch in my dining room when there isn’t anyone else behind the table. Or when I feel lonely I sometimes either go out into the woods to spend some time with God in prayer, sometimes I dive into a story in a book, or watch a show. I know that sometimes those things are the best things one should do anyway. Especially spending time in prayer and seeking God. But I do wonder, is that sometimes escapism too? Is that sometimes an excuse of “being busy” a justified excuse? For sure, going for a walk and a prayer does soothe me and when I’m back I’m almost always even more full of energy to conquer the whatever task I’m supposed to do. However, I can’t shake off the strange feeling that the thought of unconsciously shutting my own heart off in those “good” moments could be up there making my person be, as C.S. Lewis puts it, unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable… well, I sure hope not.
For anyone reading this: Please, do consider a question if you are indeed busy or just pretending to be busy for whatever at the moment justifiable reason, that isn’t truly a busy life with a schedule so full that you indeed cannot take a moment to spend with a fellow human being to just be with them. Who or what are you in avoidance of? Yourself? An idea of what someone else might say if you tell them the truth that you are lonely or bored?…